5 Widespread Child Custody Myths—And the Truth Behind Them

Navigating a child custody matter can feel confusing, especially when friends, family, or the internet give you advice that doesn’t line up. It’s easy for misinformation to take root, leaving parents feeling anxious or unsure about what to expect.

Many misconceptions about custody laws cause unnecessary tension between co-parents or lead to decisions based on fear rather than facts. Below, we break down five of the most common custody myths and offer a clearer picture of how these decisions are actually made.

Myth #1: Courts Always Award Custody to the Mother

A long-standing belief is that mothers are automatically favored in custody cases. While this may have been true decades ago, that assumption no longer lines up with modern legal standards.

Today, judges evaluate both parents on equal footing and look at what arrangement supports the child’s well-being. They examine factors such as which parent manages day-to-day routines, the emotional connections the child shares with each parent, the stability of each home environment, and how each parent’s schedule impacts their ability to provide care.

As a result, many fathers now receive shared or even primary custody when they play an active role in raising their children. Ultimately, the court’s priority is ensuring the child receives consistent, loving, and dependable care—regardless of which parent provides it.

Myth #2: Children Can Decide Who They Want to Live With

Another common misunderstanding is that children, once they reach a certain age, get to choose their primary residence. While a child’s preferences can influence the outcome, their choice is never the sole deciding factor.

Courts may take a child’s wishes into account, especially for older or more mature children, but they also look at the reasoning behind those preferences. Wanting fewer chores or looser rules usually doesn’t carry much weight. However, reasons tied to continuity—like staying close to school, friends, or other support systems—may receive more consideration.

In some cases, the court assigns a guardian ad litem (GAL) to meet with the child and report their needs and viewpoints. This ensures the child’s perspective is represented without forcing them into the middle of a dispute. Even with this input, the final call rests with the judge, who must consider the full picture to determine the most stable and supportive arrangement.

Myth #3: Joint Custody Means the Child Spends Equal Time with Each Parent

Many parents assume that “joint custody” automatically means a 50/50 time split. But joint custody doesn’t always translate to equal physical time.

Custody has two main components: legal custody, which covers decision-making authority, and physical custody, which determines where the child resides. Parents can share legal custody while still having an uneven distribution of time.

How much time a child spends in each home depends on several considerations, including where the parents live, the child’s school schedule, work commitments for each parent, and the logistics of transportation. Courts aim for arrangements that minimize disruption and promote healthy routines—not perfect mathematical equality.

Myth #4: Full Custody Means No Child Support

Some parents believe that gaining full custody automatically eliminates child support obligations. In reality, custody and child support are two separate issues legally.

Child support exists to ensure both parents contribute financially to their child’s needs. Judges review each parent’s income, the child’s living expenses, and costs such as medical care, schooling, or childcare when calculating support.

Even if one parent is granted full custody, the other parent may still be required to contribute financially. The goal of child support is to maintain stability for the child—not to compensate or penalize either parent.

Myth #5: You Can Refuse Visitation If Child Support Isn’t Paid

One of the most damaging misconceptions is that visitation can be blocked if child support payments fall behind. This is not true.

Court orders treat visitation and child support as independent matters. If payments are missed, the solution is to return to court for enforcement—not to prevent the other parent from seeing their child.

Courts may address unpaid support through measures such as wage garnishment, penalties, or license suspension. However, they almost never restrict visitation based on missed payments, as doing so punishes the child more than the parent. Withholding parenting time can even harm your own legal standing because it violates the custody order.

Handling financial issues through the proper legal channels protects your rights and reinforces that your decisions are centered on your child’s well-being.

Need Guidance on a Custody Matter?

If you’re considering adjusting an existing custody arrangement or aren’t sure what steps to take next, speaking with an experienced family law professional can give you clarity and confidence. You don’t have to manage the process by yourself.

Reach out today to discuss your situation. With the right support, you can move forward with a plan that works for both you and your child.